I Quit! or not 😪

A battle against settling for less

Hello, Toluwase Olugbemiro,

Receiving your letter is a great part of my day, and I see the effort you put into it. Thanks for keeping showing up.

I would like you to write about knowing when to quit and not settling for less.

Have a great day.

Samuel

I got a response to Letter #206 of The Journey; a daily newsletter where I write about everything and anything. It’s a public journal of my process and perspective through life. It’s my attempt to give people a front row seat to what happens in my mind.

I have always dreaded being a quitter. To me, it was a sign of weakness. And you know, a man must never appear weak.

Laughable!

Winners never quit, I was told.

But I have come to find out that winners quit the most, they are just quite selective at what they quit at.

There is a whole lot of reasons why people quit, and like I said in my letter, these responses are going to be mostly opinionated, lessons culled out of my short experience through life. I again, do not stand as an authority on this subject matter as there exist numerous takes in the world as to how one should live. However, I believe, I can stand on the pedestal of being one of the few persons who share the right to interpret and share my experiences, and it is on that note I will base the following premise.

Quitting is good.

It is not Cowardice.

Quitters are not losers.

And if the world thinks differently, then, walk with your shoulders squared and your head held high and walk the new path you have decided to tread upon quitting.

Most times, when people accuse us of quitting, it is because, they do not have the balls to make the decision we made to admit we were wrong about a certain decision and are willing to turn back, retrace our steps and go a different route.

I grew up sharing the belief that the road to success is one of grit, determination and never quitting. I do not count myself to have achieved, but, if I did not give up on certain dreams, I would not be where I am today.

Quitting is not finality

We tend to assume that once we are on a path, we are meant to die there, even if along the way our convictions change, our beliefs evolve. But because we have spent so much time (this is when quitting becomes the hardest) on a particular road, it is almost treason to quit or rethink our steps.

This is a lie.

Science would call it sunken cost; our neglect or decision to stay on a particular lane because we have given so much to walk that path. It is exemplified in bad investments, toxic relationships, etc and the refusal of the active parties in it to take a U-turn. It is also characterized by a certain bout of withdrawal symptoms that might take hold of a person as though a demon about to be exorcised is clinging onto its host body.

Quitting is not finality.

But you can only say this when you are aware of a bigger picture you are walking towards, a goal you’re pursuing. It’s that force that keeps you going, pulling you in irrespective of how many paths you decide to walk on.

Quitting is not finality.

What justifies a road you’re walking is the journey itself and also, the destination you intend to get to.

You must be aware that the road transforms you, the journey instigates an evolution you cannot hinder, except you walk another path.

I’d use the illustration of climbing up to a mountain top. Now getting to the summit of the mountain might be your goal, for another, climbing to the summit might be his, and a few others, climbing itself might be the goal.

Now this reveals to us the dynamics of our goal and the journey we are embarking on, it might seem the persons that would call us quitter are on the same path as us, but a lot of times, they have a different goal in mind.

If my goal is to get to the summit, I can decide to climb, I can also decide to fly there. Both ways are a path I might be willing to take to get up there.

If upon climbing, I realize it is a tough call which it would be, and I decide, “this is not a journey I am willing to take till the very end” I’d quit, turn back home, invest my resources in finding a way to get to the top other than climbing.

However, if I am convicted of climbing, then I’d climb, no matter what.

You’re the one who decides when you quit

In the real sense, only you can see what’s ahead of you.

Only you can tell what you have sacrificed to get here (wherever here is).

And only you still, can determine if giving it all up is what you intend to do. Quitting definitely means there would be losses, if not in the moment, the loss might be a summation of all that you’ve put in to be here this long.

No one should make the decision to quit for you, it’s preposterous. Yes, people will suggest it, I have suggested to a few persons to consider another route, but ultimately the decision lies with you.

In context of the people whose voices you weigh heavy on your heart, you might lean in to make a decision that aligns with what they have said, however, it is a necessity to be responsible for the decisions you make, even quitting.

What do you define as less

A number of times, our definition of things go a long way to define how we interpret our experiences.

A man who quits his 10 year job at Microsoft to live a quiet life with his wife and kids in the mountain side of his village might be said to be settling for less.

Why not an exotic lifestyle in any of the cities of the world on one of the big 5’s payroll?

Another decides to travel on a mission trip to preach the gospel in a remote region of the world, leaving behind a C-level role at a big corporation might be said to be settling for less.

Why not do a mission trip to one of the states of UAE? At least, you’d be preaching the gospel and still have access to modernity.

Define what less means to you.

My brother once told me something in 2020, when I almost went crazy with an undue pressure. He said, “don’t measure your growth by external metrics”

This means, I should set the metrics for whatever I want to achieve on the basis of what I am convicted about.

X looks attractive and fun, that’s nice. But that’s what we did when we were kids. Cry because Shade has pink-colored lollipop, and I had blue. So, I cried till my mum got my blue-colored lollipop.

If your eyes are always driven left to right by what others have, then, you’re still a child, and you have no right to object when people set the rules for you.

What the greats do/did

I started out by saying, “Winners are quitters”. They are only selective of what they quit at.

So, Samuel, (so you know this is specifically for you), define your picture of success, map out a route, consider alternate routes that align with your values, and begin walking.

The truth is this, at the time of making any decision in life, we are less informed than when we begin implementing the decision we have made.

If we go on to compare our journey with someone else’s, then we begin to feel less of ourselves and think we are on a wrong path.

But if convincingly, you are sure you’ve made a wrong turn, there’s no crime in turning back.

Think of it this way, if you’re driving from Akure to Lagos, and you took a wrong turn at Ore, would you keep driving just because you’ve burnt fuel?

No, you’d take a U-turn, retrace your steps back to Ore, ask questions or for directions, and continue on your route to Lagos.

Whenever, you feel you’re at a crossroad, don’t forget, you can step out of the vehicle and ask for directions. Who you now ask, would be dependent on if you believe this person has a knowledge of the road you’re on, or on the destination you’re headed to.

I hope this helps you in the slightest way.

It’s another day to do great things.

Cheers.