Delayed Gratification: An Extra Slice of Cake for Future Me
I wrote this initially as a response to one of the subscriber’s on my email list for my daily newsletter; The Journey
I considered it might be something you might be interested in reading as well.
It has only gone through a bit of editing, but the original content is retained.
Let’s dive in: shallow waters first.
I do not in anyway consider myself as one who has all the experiences in life.
Far from it, I think I am sometimes void of experiences, however, in my short life, I have had to sit with people who have a wealth of experience, sometimes, I get to hear stories as far back as when cross-dressing wasn’t a thing and diamonds were smuggled in the fur of sheep.
Today’s letter is one of such that you’d get to see me draw from shared experiences; mine and others to be able to provide an answer.
I do not suppose my answer will suffice, but at the least, it’d be able to set you up on the right path, if ever there is one.
The concept of delayed gratification is something I have never fully understood.
I mean, why ask me not to lick sweet when I am young, just so that I can have strong teeth, and why tell me not to take plenty sugar, just because you want me to give birth.
I grew out of taking lots of sweet things, but you see that sugar, well, let’s say I am getting better.
Delayed gratification majorly pans around denying yourself of a present pleasure for some sort of greater reward.
I just want to say, this is not as easy as one would think.
I watched one of CR7’s interview where the interviewer asked him about his boy and the future he sees for him. Although he mentioned, he’d want his kid to be a great footballer, he said; (read this in CR7 unique and accented English),
He never know that these things bad for him, soda, sugar, after training, he wants to take warm bath, and I say no, cold shower, he cry. But, if he want to be best, I told him, if he want to be best, he has to do these things. I’m not going to force him, no, no, he choose what he wants, but I let him see that, if he wants to be best, he have to work hard.
I obviously didn’t capture every word as he said it, but I this is how I remember it and for the sake of this, I’d like to keep it that way.
However, here’s the original interview
I think some of our greatest role models in sports, engineering, entertainment, etc. had one or two things they gave up to be at the height they got to.
Some folks traded sleep for longer hours of productivity. My boss at work, traded a vibrant social life to ace her degree and come out tops, she traded her summers for certification courses that set her in line for a role at Microsoft today.
There’s no rule book on delayed gratification. There’s no formula that says that, if you do not do XYZ today, you’d become ABC tomorrow. I don’t think it exist.
But everyone knows the general idea. It might not be a one mold fits all kind of thing, but everyone get’s the general idea of delayed gratification.
Na you go determine wetin worth am
I think it starts from here; you get to determine what you want.
What’s the future that you’re chasing after.
There are just some things that don’t mix.
I’d give an example.
In secondary school, I wanted to be one of the best students in school, this might be a typical aspiration for every child though, however, I was very playful. I still am.
The people I had a healthy competition against were fucking genii. They had an amazing rate of assimilation, while I had an amazing rate of playrification; I could create play out of anything.
To be tops would mean, I’d have to dedicate long hours to reading and maybe sort of cut down on the time I use to play.
I tried. I really did.
But, at some point, I just gave up on that. I made peace with being closely behind them and appearing on every pedestal they appeared on, not necessarily topping them anymore.
That was my compromise.
If I was going to remain playful and be among the best, I had to make a compromise on the goal I was chasing.
Rumor has it that I was a serious boy in secondary school; I’d say, I tried to find a balance that didn’t exist.
So, I’d ask, what do you see?
Where do you want to go to?
What do you want to do?
Those are the things that’d govern the path you decide to take. You can’t walk on both sides of the road at the same time. Where you’re going determine which side of the road you’d be on.
Imagine you’re travelling to the North from Lagos, but you’ve always wanted to see the Niger Bridge. Your regular route is a flight from Lagos to Abuja or to wherever you’re going to. To see the Niger bridge would mean, taking a different route, by road, through the South, then to the East before heading for the North.
That’s time and resources committed to seeing the Niger bridge.
Line 1: You define what is worth it and what’s a waste of X (where X = time, resources, energy, etc.)
No one can actually do this bit for you.
Our parents when we were much younger tried because, they were the ones who had the picture of what “the future” looked like for us. But you’ve long since taken that canvas, and you’re the one painting now.
So, if you’re able to outline what, where, you’re going to, I think it’d help you decide what’s worth the wait or sacrifice.
But I hope you get this bit of it.
Here’s a question I ask myself
Does it contribute to the future I want?
Would it matter when I look back.
I was an avid movie person the years before 2017. I don’t think there was any blockbuster movie you’d mention that I hadn’t seen. I spent nights seeing movies. I could see 4 to 5 movies in a night.
I needed to make up for the lost months when I was stuck behind the walls of a boarding school.
2017, I hit Ctrl + A, then Del on my movie folder.
This was not an easy feat.
And I started the “download and watch” model.
I was learning JavaScript at the time, but every time I opened my laptop, the Java didn’t script, because I ended up seeing a movie till my laptop runs down.
So, I’d code, take my online class before I downloaded a movie to watch.
I, more or less created a reward system for myself.
The book Atomic Habits puts this concept into proper perspective. But I did that even before knowing that such a book exists.
Then I saw only 3 series; The Flash, Limitless and Lucifer. It meant one episode per week, meaning 3 episodes in general, 3 hours dedicated to movies in general for the whole week. That’s 12 episodes in a month. I could make peace with that.
I still saw other movies at times intermittently, because, habits are not easily broken, they can be replaced though.
The remainder of my time, I spread across, church, school, and building my communication skills; I had time set out to go out and talk to random strangers to see if I could hold a conversation with them.
All the years of movies came in handy on some days.
Line 2: What I want to do now, does it contribute to the overall picture?
You get to determine that.
You also get to determine what’s a healthy dosage of distraction (that’s what I call it)
I watch anime, because it helps my creative process. However, after 15 years of Naruto, I have long since decided that a 24 hour marathon is the best I can offer to anime at this point in my life.
So, I’ve cut down on my anime intake. I watch most times when I experience writer’s block or I feel I need to dive into an animeverse to awaken some things in my mind 🤣
I know it might seem the examples I am using are not really it, but, remember, you’re the one that gets to determine what’s worth it and what it would cost you to get to your point B.
Reward yourself
I think this is my own coping mechanism, but it works.
I’m very sure I’d be taking trips out of the country just to reward myself for a job well done in the near future. Like a vacation to somewhere I have really wanted to go; but then again, I might not, my priorities have been changing drastically in the last 9 months. 😂🤣
So, take breathers, pat yourself on the back, remind yourself it’s worth every bit of sacrifice you’re making and get back to work.
In quote, “don’t get distracted in your reward system that you loose sight of where you’re going in the first place”
That’s just going to be foolish.
Line 3: You deserve to be celebrated.
However, you’re the only one that knows the extent to which you have sacrificed to be where you are. The world will not always cheer you on when you need it or want it, but you can always cheer yourself on.
As I conclude the most important aspect of getting the work done as I am learning, is the grace of having people who are also going towards the same goal as you, or those who can see what you see, or those who can see what you don’t see, but you trust them to lead you aright.
That’s a gift.
Let me outline them properly.
- People heading in the same direction as you
- People that can see what you can see
- People who can see what you can’t see, but you trust in their leading.
If you have these three categories of people, you’ve hit a gold mine. The perfect example I can use for this is my leaders at church.
They are going in the same direction as I am, they see what I see on most days, and they evidently see what I can’t see, but I trust in their leading.
It’s a gold mine because on days where you want to slack, there’s a voice setting you back in line.
But, they also exist outside the confines of the church too. So, in your career or whatever, you’re chasing, the greatest help you can find as you embark on a journey are people who are with you on your journey.
They’d provide help on days you’re weary and tired.
Bonus line: Find people whom you can trust their sight, hearing, and voice.
They make the sacrifices bearable, especially when you get an opportunity to hear what they have given up to make the same journey you’re embarking on.
I hope this helps.
It’s another day to do great things!
