2023: The supernatural, the natural and everything in between.

27 min readDec 30, 2023

I have always been in search of experiences. When I was much younger, it was rumored that I’d been a great witch doctor, what the Yoruba would call Babalawo. This was because of my strong affinity for the supernatural or spiritual things, as people would call them.

My first exposure to the supernatural would-be divination at a very young age, then praying in tongues early on, and then exposure to the occultic when I arrived in Port Harcourt from the village.

There has always been a hint that there was more to me. It was in how I saw and spoke to people who were not there or made my parents wonder how I knew certain things without being told. There was something more that no one could explain about me, so I was the weird one for many years.

You can only connect the dots in hindsight; 2023 reminded me so much of the many shades of life I live in one and the immense possibility to lean further into the supernatural as an evident tool to guide my walk as a human. As I reflect on the year, I am reminded that I am a man, human, frail, weak, yet filled with potential and dreams. I am also fully conscious that I am beyond natural, spiritual, yielded, and with a heart sold out to service.

So, as I recount the brief moment of 2023, I am in awe of how much one can accomplish in a little time and how much is left to be done.

But, in all, I am grateful. And this year-in-review is an outline of the few reasons I am grateful.

You can quickly catch up on my Q1 specifically here.

Church over all

I have always been a church boy. From early on, I have always been a church boy. It might amuse you that I was not so tall while growing up, so some people dubbed me “Church Rat”. Ironically, I won’t be offended if you call me that today. Because, more than ever before, my life was defined by my service to God through my local church.

Having a Pastor and leaders who understood service, dedication, commitment and the tenets of Christian worship made it easier for me to be sold out much more in service.

The role of my local church was to solidify my identity as a Christian. It served as an anchor point for my ideologies and a base with which I could compare every other worldview I was exposed to in the year.

The lessons learned from my local church are invaluable, which is why it comes first. A major part of my learning was from my church. More than anything, the sense of direction and clarity that came from total submission to my church.

Here’s what I mean.

My church is consistent — our service time, major meetings, regular meetings, etc. We are so predictable that you can determine what every church member would be doing at a particular time. These constants made it easy to plan every other aspect of my life around it. This meant I didn’t have much loose time, so every time I had was well accounted for. It’s something I am still getting used to; however, that consciousness brought a sense of order to my life. There are things I can and can’t do, not because I am incapable of doing them, but because they become irrelevant in light of what’s in front of me.

So, I learned discipline, commitment, sacrifice, friendship, loyalty and lots more.

Service, ministry and subservience to God.

In 100 level, someone asked me why I constantly went to Church. You could define my life around my church. If you need to know where I am, ask a church member. My life is not so different than it was then.

My answer was this, “My love for God is found in my service to him through my church”. I didn’t know as much as I do now, but somewhere in my mind, I was convinced that I couldn’t serve God outside the church. There was no such thing as personal Christianity or a version of Christian service that happens without the church.

In 2023, I found that to be even more true than ever before.

Every year has been an adventure regarding service because I always want to do more. I want to serve more. I want to commit more. I want to be found in the heat of service.

It is said that the reward for work is more work, and I find it true in service to God. We often claim to love God, to be his child, but we are not subservient to him. The only place where our subservience to God truly shows is the church, not online, but physically.

This year, I learned the importance of being with people who believe the same thing as you do, who have light and are willing to direct that light to the dark areas of your life. I learned the importance of a godly community and its role in protecting my identity.

In essence, what I learned the most in this category is that subservience to God is seen in ministry — evangelism and discipleship — and my service and participation in my local assembly.

At the behest of quality work

I have suffered from many things, and one of the most treacherous things I have suffered from is the curse of knowledge. To an extent, I have read. I have consumed relevant knowledge in the direction of what I do career-wise and also in other aspects of life. Most importantly, I had craved and sought after quality work.

In my desire to churn out quality work, I became robotic at certain times of the year. I was suffering from the curse of knowledge. The inability to transform what you know into practical steps. It meant that I was not a doer, no matter how intellectually capable I was. And the world rewards doers. I could only achieve the status quo, nothing more, nothing less.

It was a hard lesson to learn, in fact, I still dey learn.

The world rewards doers, not thinkers. Thinkers have their place, but if all you think about is not done, then that’s all it is. And because I have so much in my head, I stall, I delay, waiting to capture the perfect moment, and then fall into analysis paralysis — incapacitated to carry out a simple task.

I was fortunate to have a few moments of adrenaline boosts that yanked me out of that state of mind and brought me into a tunnel vision phase where I commit solely to what’s in front of me.

However, the downside of tunnel vision is that your energy is focused solely on the task ahead of you, and nothing else matters. So, I found myself easily irritable in those periods.

I have learned that it takes a lot of energy to do many things or, better still, pay attention to many things simultaneously. But, portioning energy per time to the most relevant thing will go a long way.

So, rather than ease through different tasks, I found myself churning out so much energy to meet up. So, I was only useful in carrying out instructions and not thinking solely for myself. However, in the tunnel vision state, I could force my mind, but it burns me out very quickly.

One of the most important lessons I learned is to pace myself.

Everything that I need to do can be done. However, they must not all be done at the same time. I adopted the use of lists but dropped it soon. But they have been the most effective in managing my energy for good work.

Good is better than best when there’s a deadline involved. I slacked a lot this year in shipping things as to when they need to be shipped. If there’s no way to communicate a potential review of the agreed deadline, the most logical thing to do is to ship what you have. In most cases, when I took this option, the review and feedback was helpful in later churning out good work.
Quality is relative. You must understand the definition of quality wherever you are. If you assume that everyone uses the same yardstick to determine quality, you will find yourself burnt out, delivering subpar work from place to place.
Communication is important. I often ghosted because I was either not done with what I was working on or wanted to improve it. The ideology that if I deliver something later but in a better state, it makes up for the delay is selfish and disastrous. Sometimes, the time agreed on is when a particular task is needed to be done.

For example, if an email needs to be created and sent out at 9 am, it must be created and sent out at 9 am. If a design needs to be ready at 5 pm, it needs to be ready at 5 pm. I was both at the serving and receiving end of this in 2023. I worked with someone who rarely delivered on time, and it cost me a lot; at the same time, I became someone who didn’t deliver on time, and it cost my employers a lot.

I learned the importance of doing things when and how they were told, and most importantly, if that is not possible, then I need to communicate the setback. This way it helps people to know what to do next and plan.

Personal Development

I think this is a constant theme each year: the desire to grow, improve, and improve at what I do. This year, I am proud of myself; I bought many books. The one downside of having a lot of books is creating time to read them.

In terms of personal development, I didn’t do so well. I left a lot on the table; however, one thing I am grateful for is the people I worked with.

Working with certain people this year helped me greatly improve my mindset and, by extension, my work quality.

One of my major hacks for growth and development is conversing with people. It’s the best way I have found to make up for not creating time to invest in other methods.

This year, I also bought and finished two courses that will greatly position me for rapid growth if applied properly. I did a few extra things; however, I don’t believe they are necessary since they cannot be placed as something I did myself to grow.

The holy grail of my personal development journey was reading “Building a Story Brand” this year. This is aside from my usual annual read of The Third Door, Who Moved My Cheese, Steal Like an Artist, Show Your Work and Keep Going. Oh, I also had very insightful conversations with Ayomide Aregbede, Ameji Ikoojo, Victor Fatanmi, and Ayomide Ajayi, just to mention a few.

I consumed Victor Asemota’s Twitter threads and met with Victor Onyekere online. I became part of the community Founder’s Cabal.

Within this year, I also joined a few online communities focused on career growth. I have learned so much across the communities I joined this year, and I hope to put to good use the things I have learned in the coming year.

The cycle of learning and applying will not become redundant, and I am mostly grateful to have a life filled with inspiring people all around. When I look around, I know that it is a crime to be mediocre, so I raise am.

BCP 23

One of the many things I did remarkably well in 2023 is BCP 23. I know how much of me went into making this a reality. The highlight of BCP 23 isn’t even the fact that the event happened and we hit our milestone of an audience size of over 2000 people. It is the stories that have come after.

“You’re Tolu from BCP. Don’t worry, you don’t know me, but I know you. Thank you for BCP.” I have gotten a few of these, and there were many comments days after the event. But this is over six months from April, and I still got an email yesterday from someone thanking me for hosting BCP.

Making BCP a reality was one of the most daring things I had ever done. More people didn’t believe it was a feasible ambition. To many, it was one of those crazy dreams secluded from reality. I am happy I was able to achieve what was in my mind.

There are many points of inflexion before and after BCP23. I learned compromise, negotiation, people management, disappointment, etc. The list of things I learned from hosting BCP 23 is long. It’s a useful experience even as I set my eyes on making 2024’s edition even better in terms of experience and content.

But BCP 23 taught me, above all, resilience. In present-day Twitter terms, it taught me not to fold [no fold o] — that is I shouldn’t cave in under the pressure and expectation of external influence.

That is the true lesson from BCP 23.

Are there things I could have done better? Yes
Were there moments of absolute tears? Yes
Were there moments of unrequited happiness? Yes
Did I ask myself who sent me work? Yes, many times over.
Did I think of quitting? Yes. The thought still comes from time to time.
Am I grateful I hosted BCP 23? Yes, I am.

So, it’s a long story on its own, but you can read more about it here.

BCP Origins

An outflow of BCP 23 and a build-up to BCP 24 is the BCP Origins Mini Experiences [BOME]. These are a series of regional events embody the quality and spirit of the flagship BCP event; however, this time, instead of packing out large auditoriums, it’s scaled down to size to create an intimate experience between speaker and audience.

One would think I like to spend money anyhow, or maybe I have it in surplus, and that’s why I am running around hosting events.

While hosting BCP Origins, I learned that context is king. The structure and model of the event have been refined on many accounts to fit the environment it is going to. We have held BOME 4 times across three cities — Akure, Ondo City, and Lagos. This has set the tempo for regions like Ife, Ekiti and Abuja.

The idea is that you can be far away and still experience a BCP event. I keep a log of my adventures; the most recent one was in Lagos.

I am grateful for this part of my life. Does it stress the living daylight out of me? Yes. I hope that the fire will be strong enough not too long from now, and others will be willing to take the torch to their own cities. But for now, it’s what I have set my eyes on, and I hope I keep at it till I see what I want.

My failures, wins, and the concept of getting it right.

I discovered in 200 level that I don’t do well with failure or losing. So, most of the time, I strive to ensure I am not in the category of those who fail at a thing. That’s over six years now. My orientation of failure has taken a radical shift, and it’s lovely to see that I dare things now with an expectation of failure in the background of my mind.

It’s subtle. It’s that feeling of, “If we fail, we learn; if we win, we learn also”. But definitely, the feeling of winning is so soothing and therapeutic.

I would love to win every day, till I can achieve that, I will embrace failure as a part of the process towards growth.

I can’t remember how many things I have failed at this year. There were just so many. I have tried to recall points I regarded as failures and fall short.

As for my wins, everything I could do this year is a win for me, yet it is still day one.

Overpromising and underdelivery.

We often underestimate our ability to handle tasks, and we assume that the future will be ideal and everything will go according to plan. However, the truth remains that whatever can go wrong will go wrong.

I found myself in the dilemma of trying to hurry myself to meet up with certain demands because I had promised. Two things happen: I go out of my way to help and suffer the consequences, or I don’t, and I also suffer a lash back because I have promised. So, I would rather say no than commit myself to difficult positions.

It is easy to write, yet it takes a mountain of self-will to say no.

I caught myself in a web of agreeing to many things and unable to deliver on them because of a shortage of mental bandwidth. Beyond that, there were positions where I could not assist, yet I opted to help. The heart is right, but it threw me into difficult positions throughout the year. There were moments I suffered dearly, and all I could do was watch and reminisce about my decision to commit.

I hate to disappoint people, but I found out that I couldn’t help everyone and I couldn’t solve all the problems brought my way; rather than put myself in that position, I’d rather learn how to say no again.

It is safe to pace myself and not overcommit to helping people, even if, in some cases, I will be paid for it; I should learn to say no.

So, don’t overpromise; don’t under-deliver.

The burden of helping others.

It’s a really amazing thing to help others. In fact, one of the tenets of my faith is to be able to assist people who are in need. However, choosing to help means sacrificing or bearing a burden that’s not yours.

Again, I learned that you can’t help everyone. As much as you want to, there are people you can’t help. So, choose those you will help and help them unconditionally, and those you can’t help, let them know early on that you will not be able to help.

It’s a burden you will choose to carry: the sunken faces of those you say no to and the bright smiles of those you concede to helping. But I think what is more important is always to be grateful that you can help others.

I hate disappointing people, so I took up more than I could bear. At some point in the year, the weight of things I was responsible for was more than I could handle, but I survived somehow. My focus, health, finances and relationships suffered. However, I am grateful for being able to help people. However, I learned that I should pace myself and not be driven to meet people’s expectations.

So, yes, in 2024, I trust that I will have the capacity to accommodate more people, but not to the extent that I am being crushed under the weight of demand from people.

Sometimes, I will say no because it is the best answer. There will be moments I will refuse to leave my safe zone because, if I step out of it, I might not recover quickly.

People will be people.

People will overestimate their ability to prepare for the future.

People will picture an ideal state where everything works and be awoken to the reality of disappointment. Uchiha Madara said, “Wake up to reality; not everything goes according to plan in this accursed world”. And that’s simply the truth — not everything goes according to plan.

The indecision of working three jobs.

Yes, in 2023, I worked three jobs.

I don’t know how you guys do it. But at the back of my mind, I always look up to Tony Elumelu, Elon Musk and a short list of people who have many responsibilities and can deliver on all fronts. Starting the year, across my three jobs, we had strategy sessions that made 2023 look like a very busy and ambitious year, which it turned out to be.

However, along the way, I think I suffered a severe tank in my focus and commitment, and my creativity went on vacation. So, I moved to do the bare minimum — show up, meet up with tasks, and ensure the needle is steady, not necessarily moving. But at some point, I couldn’t also do this because I was mentally exhausted, and any energy I could muster was to show up to work.

I decided I was going to quit two of my jobs. I prepared my resignation letters and sent them out. Ironically, the year is ending, and I still have three jobs.

I haven’t found a balance yet, because I don’t think any exists; however, I understand the individual demands of each of my work. One requires me to be hands-on present, while the others I can attend to work asynchronously. In the coming year, I intend to create space for myself to be able to do my best work across the place I will be committed to.

When it’s time, I will pack up my bags and leave without remorse.

Bukayo told me, “Tolu if any of these companies want to let you go, they won’t think twice about it. If you want to quit, and you’re sure that’s what you want to do, don’t be sentimental about it.”

I guess that’s an advice I will implement in the coming year.

I have enjoyed the work I did across the places I work, and I am getting to understand the value of my work. I hope to become more articulate about it.

My projects

Some done, others weren’t. I have a lineup of many things I wanted to do but ended up doing another thing.

I have this passion project that has been sitting in my archives for the longest time — I think 2021. The name of the project is Dream On. It is a futuristic brand that enables people to initiate, continue or complete a dream. Humans have experienced this phenomenon, but there is no product in existence that I know of that enables people to go back to the dream they’ve had before to either continue or complete it. That’s the whole concept of Dream On. I have wanted to design it for the longest time and make a case study, but it’s still in my archives.

This year, I had my first consultancy gig for a commercial startup. I enjoyed working on the project. It would be my first time being paid to consult. I created a template that could be used to flesh out the full potential of their brand — a brand guide, a tone of voice document, and a comms strategy document. I also made suggestions as to the direction their identity can develop in. It was a wholesome project, and I was grateful to have done it. I learned more from it.

I have talked about BCP, BCP Origins already.

The project I couldn’t bring to life this year would be The Tomato Factory — a brand comms workshop. — Pro Tomato Classes, an abridged version of The Tomato Factory, and the BCP Origins Virtual Tour, to mention a few.

I am not in a hurry to start anything new; however, in pacing myself, I want to do as much as possible.

So, I guess I can say, be expectant.

My experience versus expertise.

Starting the year, I was more in tune with learning and trying to hone my skills. My experience fell short every time. I am aware that experience has a role to play in building expertise, but being an expert is just what it is, being an expert. Expertise comes from applying what you have learned from your experiences; this is one thing I have been trying to do all year.

On a review call with my line manager sometime in the past, he told me how my head was filled with know-how, technical stuff, and bookish templates, but when it comes to translating it to real-life work, I always fell short. I quickly realised there was a gap in how I translated knowledge to real-life solutions.

Expertise is built from real-life application of the things you know. In simpler terms, you’re not an expert because you know so much; you’re an expert because you’ve been able to solve many problems in a particular category, and that practical knowledge is applicable many times over.

So, I am committing to applying myself more in the coming year. I am not looking to provide perfect solutions, which is what being bookish is all about; I am committing to failing and learning along the way.

Coming of age.

I am 25.

One would think being 25 means that you’re an adult. But I’ve only been an adult for a few years now. And it’s a crazy turn of events. Being an adult means paying my bills — rent, feeding, transportation, etc. People do not tell you that being an adult comes with emotional baggage.

There’s also an unsaid expectation that you have to be responsible and that you ought to have figured out life. I am as responsible as possible, but I still have many questions. Like, why am I the one who has to decide what I will eat every night? Why is there not someone who can take that responsibility from me?

Why do I have to act mature, even though I want to act like a child every chance?
Why can’t I play with sand?
What colour is the sky and the ocean?
Why must we work so hard to spend the money again?
Why is falling in love difficult?
What happens when you no longer like the person you used to like?
Why can’t we all be friends? And,
Why does Harmattan have to be so harsh in some seasons?

I really have many questions, but because I am an adult, I have to be the one who figures things out and has answers.

I will be more childlike than before and ask whoever cares to listen to all my ridiculous questions.

Sharing what I know — speaking through the year.

One of the things I wanted to do this year was speak.

Coming into the year, I really wanted to speak at events, share the little knowledge I have, and put my thoughts out there for use and scrutiny at the same time. This was not something I wanted to force; it was something I wanted to come naturally because people saw that I was worthy to share my knowledge.

The first quarter of the year went by with no invites, but there was really nothing to bother about. Everything took a turn after BCP 23, and I got a few invites to speak virtually. The best part is that through my platforms, I continued to share what I knew and learned.

So, this year, by December 30, 2023, I’d have spoken at six events in total aside from BCP-related platforms. I count it as a privilege to be called to share the little of what I know. I don’t have much expectations for 2024 in this category, but I will keep sharing, putting my knowledge out there more and impacting as many people as possible with what I know.

I have come to realize that life is in phases, and I might just be stepping into that phase where I have become valuable enough in the eyes of a few who would want me to share my knowledge with their audience, and I am grateful for that privilege.

Community, relationships, and the concept of people

I have always been a sucker for community — godly, secular, professional, etc. Whatever it is, if it aligns with my values, I am not averse to being a part of it. But people overcomplicate the word community. Sometimes, people picture a community as 30 or 500 people sharing and believing the same thing. This year, I learned that a community can be as little as one extra person aside from yourself who believes in the same thing as you do. There is a communal sharing between both of you, which really matters. Now, that number can be on a steady climb, but essentially, what matters most is a mutual understanding.

This year, I benefited so much from the power of community, and speaking with Ajayi Joel has made the bigger potential of a community more apparent.

I had church, my godly circle of friends, my friends in the secular space, professional relationships, and all sorts. Sometimes, I think I am a connector — someone who stands at the crossroads of many types of people and links each category to the others. There was a time when I felt weird that I didn’t fit into any category; I didn’t have cliques, I didn’t have people in the ride-or-die category, and I was just the person who was everywhere but nowhere. But I have since evolved from feeling that way. Is that reality still true for me? In some instances, yes. In others, it’s a fat lie.

I am grateful for people.

I have learned that it’s in my nature to need people, want people, interact with them, and depend on them. Acting otherwise would be denying how I was naturally built. I know that a lot of hardwiring happens as a man grows from childhood to adulthood. Some experiences shape how a person interacts with the world and lots more, but in all of that, there is a concept of people that can’t be eroded from our minds. The worst that will happen is that that concept of people will be corrupted, but you need people, and people need you.

So, I will be more intentional in preserving those in my corner and helping those I can in the way I can. Connect people to people, show others the power of those already around them, and not make light the benefit of being in the centre of a community that values your existence.

For me, it’s church, family, friends, and the rest.

Dependence on people — The people equation

Still on people.

I am of the opinion that if you’re in need and you keep it to yourself, miracles will not happen to you. There’s so much miracle God can do devoid of the involvement of people. God uses people to cause miracles on the earth, so if you keep quiet, there is every tendency that you will shoulder your burdens alone.

I have met people who want to shoulder all their burdens alone. I am that type of person. But I learned early enough to open my mouth to ask for help. This year had me asking for help a lot. Questions were asked, aid requested, and if there was anything I didn’t know or have, I was quick [after much self-motivation] to ask for help.

One of my older friends [this person is older than my dad] told me once when I went to his house, he said to me, “Tolu, pesin wey no dey talk na him go dey hungry. If you see pesin wey fit talk, him no never go hungry”. He said it to imply that I should be open to asking for help and that I should not shut myself away from opportunities to be helped. I have not taken this advice very well ever since he told me, but year after year, I open myself up to the help of people. This means that I am also opening myself up to be disappointed, but what’s life without a few or many disappointments?

People are not psychics; they will not know what is wrong with me if I don’t tell them. I have no right to be offended that people didn’t come through for me when it’s actually that I didn’t tell them. And even when I do tell them, and they can’t help, I have no right to be offended.

Being helped by people is a privilege, and I am not entitled to anyone’s help. I have made my peace with this.

Is it painful? Yes, it is.

But it’s not reason enough to shut myself away from the world.

This section comes after the section on relationships and the concept of people. You should understand the relationship you have with people, too. Not everyone is worthy to know all of you.

The roller-coaster of emotion and falling in love

Oh my God!

This year, I fell in love more times than I’d like to admit.

Falling in love is easy. Committing to it, staying with your choice, and even accepting that a relationship might not work out is all the hard part.

So, I fell in love and out of love.

I was loved, and then the focus of affection was shifted away from me.

Everyone talks about the beauty of being in love, no one talks about the darkness that comes with falling out of love or losing the one you love. It’s a darkness, a confusing state of being; your mind becomes muddled up, and it’s almost as though there is no light in your world.

What saved me was that I could redirect all that energy and double my commitment to church activities. But I was sad for a very long time.

At times, I would just be seated, and I’d just become sad for no reason. My countenance drops, and everyone can visibly see that there’s something wrong with Tolu. But really, what do you expect me to say? I didn’t even understand what was happening to me.

It is your most vulnerable state when you’re healing from an emotional wound. You can even fall in love with a Pin because your mind is trying to replace that lost feeling. That feeling of loneliness and emptiness fills your heart. No one understands it but you. You’re lost in a broken and shattered world, trying to rebuild pieces of a world that brought so much sunshine to your life. No one, absolutely no one, understands the pain.

For a person like me who’s usually around a lot of people — I am either in church, out on ministry, or at home where I don’t live alone — there is a need to keep up with appearances. Be available for others even though your world is falling apart. So, healing for me happened in the heat of battle. Amidst the wars in my heart, I had to find help, healing, and light all over again.

I won’t say I am healed, but I am healing. I am gradually forgetting the pain of loss and committing my heart to love again. It’s not a walk in the park, but I am hopeful that this time, death will be the dividing line.

So, yeah, cheers to love and being loved.

Commitment, in simple terms.

It is to say, “I choose you”, then move the Heavens and Earth to ensure your choice remains as is. It is not for when things are fine alone; it is to be there even though the seas rage and the Earth breaks apart in anger. It is to defend what you call yours during scorching heat and stand your ground in the face of insurmountable challenges.

Though commitment has a weakness, reciprocity, it desires to be reciprocated; otherwise, in due time, it falls to the ground, drained of all life.

So, when you say you’re here, truly be there.

I guess 2023 taught me this too.

Quality work/Quality people

Your desire to do quality work will drive you towards quality people.

I worked with a few people this year, and at some point, all I needed to do depended on their responsiveness, and I was left hanging. It meant that I could not meet the standard of the work I had committed to doing, or I had to explain why I would not be able to meet up anymore.

I also became a person who was not able to meet up with the standard set, so I fell short of being a quality individual.

Every environment has its set standards; it i ludicrous to assume that because X is the standard and ABC, X would be the standard at FGH.

So, in pursuit of quality work across the board, I must be flexible to the standards of the environment I walk into, or better still, have a set internal metric to judge quality work. The tricky part is that when you get to an environment that demands higher from you, you’d have to stretch to meet that standard. I think it’s a good thing.

James Clear said, “We do not rise to the level of our goals; we fall to the level of our systems”. So, the discipline we have imbibed inevitably shows up whenever we find ourselves.

Lesson learnt? Be more disciplined and set up systems that ensure I maintain a growing level of discipline.

The impostor who never died.

Whenever I want to pick up anything ambitious, the silent whisper at the back of my ears is the impostor who never died. I had many moments of questioning my ability and second-guessing if my actions were right.

Am I doing this thing right?
Am I that good?
Why do people think I can do this?
What exactly do they see in me?
Do I deserve this?

The list is long, but the feeling of inadequacy is the same. What if my luck runs out? If they find me out, I am done for.

There were moments of momentary victories, but there were more moments of heated battles with the impostor within, and someday, it felt like he won. I wanted to pack up my laptop and not work.

But the prospect of lack is a good motivator, and the desire to meet the needs of the people around me comes in a close second.

“Tolu, if you give up now, he really wins”. And I pick up myself and start fighting again. If I list out all the times I felt like an impostor in this year, it would rival the number of days we have in the year, so let’s say we got to the end, we stayed fighting, and we lasted this long.

The future, 2024 and beyond

Sincerely, I don’t know.

I have plans, but that’s all they are, plans.

Circumstances may arise that would change the trajectory of the plans, and there might to be nothing I can do about it other than go with the flow and work with the tides.

I am hopeful 2024 will be better than 2023 in terms of relationships, opportunities, etc. But, I am not ruling out the fact that challenges I have no experience handling would also come my way.

I mean, look at 2020, who could have prepared your for the global pandemic?

That’s what I’m talking about.

An ‘out-of-my-hand’ kind of situation.

Well, let’s stay hopeful.

Living life as a blank slate, and ever evolving chapter of yet to be written stories.

For the year 2024, I am living each day as it comes, like a writer writing a new page daily, I am not in a hurry to scribble down the future, rather, I will make my plans as malleable as possible. There is no must-haves, there is no, must happens, there is only what’s possible in the context of time and circumstances.

I am not in a hurry to anywhere, so I will let each day unfold.

I know I’ll do really crazy things, how? I don’t know yet.

Thank you for reading till the end.

I am grateful.